How to Attract Success with Garrain Jones
On today’s episode, Erik sits down with author and life coach Garrian Jones as they discuss how hardships and resilience can help you achieve success.
Garrain “Steph” Jones was born July 3rd, 1979 in Houston, Texas. At the age of four, his life took a sad turn, starting with his first near-death experience and his parents getting a divorce. When he was six, he had a second near-death experience. He almost drowned from a prank gone wrong on a fishing trip.
At age twelve, his father, a drug dealer, was murdered. Without examples to look up to, Garrain began a life of drug pushing, stealing, and stripping. His mother struggled to make ends meet while he struggled with school and being taken in and out of juvenile detention centers. When he turned 17, he improved his life and worked on his grades at school with sufficient success, and subsequently sought a change of environment for better growth and direction.
Need a sneak peek? Below are the main takeaways from the episode.
How to Attract Success with Garrain Jones
“Honestly, it’s my willingness to get back up. And I owe a lot of credit to my brother. I had a big brother, who weighed a lot more than me, and all we did was wrestle every single day. And I’d lose every single day. And he’s like, get back up, get back up. So my brother, and especially when MMA came out, and then we [were] just always wrestling and doing all kinds of things. But he was a much bigger dude. So imagine me 60 pounds, and he’s 150 pounds. And he’s just laying into me… I didn’t know that that was training me to always just get back up in the face of a giant mountain. You know, so my brother being the giant mountain for me when I was a little kid all the way up until graduating high school, trained me for my hardships without me even knowing it, because I was always getting back up, getting back up. My father was murdered when I was 12 years old. I was unconsciously [thinking] just gotta find a way to get back up, get back into the flow of things. You know, my house got broken into and they burned down my house. And my mom didn’t have insurance. So we literally lost everything. And I watched my mom get back up. So everybody around me always had this resilience to just keep going and I never heard complaining, or “Why is this happening to me?” I heard tears, and then my mom always found a way to get back up. My brother made me get back up when we were fighting. And then when life “lifed” me I had already domesticated to always get back up. So if I take it all the way back, I know I was a born warrior spirit. And I know this somewhere in my ancestral lineage was warriors and fighters, but like a whole different caliber of fighter. And my relentlessness to always keep going in the face of anything that shows up, I think is at the nature and the core of what has me to keep moving forward. Where most people crumble.”
“Well, here’s the thing. This is why I became a high-paid storyteller. Because when I share my story, now people start thinking about their story and what it could be. So now my vision becomes a possibility. Now like, wow, so I loan my eyes out, alone, my eyes out, so borrow my eyes, and then they start seeing because you can’t be what you can’t see. Because then they start seeing what’s possible. I didn’t know. I didn’t know that when I was a senior. I mean, when I was a freshman in high school, I saw a varsity Letterman’s jacket for the first time. I didn’t know that I could get that before becoming a senior. I’m like, What’s that? There’s like, Oh, you got to be a senior to get that. That was like, Well, how you get it soon. sooner? Well, you have to be good enough. Well, in the summertime, because I saw it and I wanted it. I want the letter on the jacket. Instead of playing all summer. I had private coaches. I was doing different things than the other average kids were doing. Next thing all of a sudden, I was way better than a lot of people. And then they promoted me to varsity as a sophomore. And I got my Letterman’s jacket, but I had to see it. So when people see when embodiment, courage, true freedom, authenticity, expression, and vulnerability. Vulnerability is expressed not in the lens of weakness but in the lens of power. What that looks like people Start saying Me too. Me too. And I’ve seen it I’ve seen when I coach when I, when people who read my book, and people who come to me that I’ve never met before, they’re like, man I didn’t, I didn’t even know that it was even possible to represent a stature where you can be really fully expressed and not care what people think until I saw you walk around. And at first, I thought it was fake. But then I followed you for five years, and you have not budged that one, one millimeter. In every single interview, it’s like, typically, you can see the cracks, you though you’ve been promoting the same message. And then as you evolve, you’re promoting the same message. And I watched you I went to one of your events, and I sat all the way in the back. Let me see him offstage. Let me see if you’re the real deal. And so I pride myself off of simply being authentically expressed, even in my weaknesses, there’s still power there.”
“You hear people, they’ll say, Oh, you’re stupid, or you’re dumb, and you’re this and you’re that and, and then all of a sudden, you hear a song long enough, you start singing the song. So if you hear names from other people and society for long enough, it seeps into your subconscious mind. And then all of a sudden, I’m stupid, I’m stupid, there’s something wrong with my skin color, I’m this I’m that I’m that. And that leads to the loss of self. Because at the conception stage, that’s where the gold is like a baby being born into love, and everything else after that is learned. But then you hear these little kids, they’re like, Oh, I’ll be a superhero. I’m strong, and I’m powerful. And then it just fades away. So when you intentionally tell yourself, who you are, it’s almost but from a positive narrative. It’s reminding yourself of who you’ve always been. But like when you remove that negative stuff, and like I’m strong, I am powerful, I am beautiful, inside and out, I am successful in every area of my life, and keep telling it, then your body starts to adjust to that vibration, that vibration and frequency.”
“Two phrases that I often say is you can’t change what you’re not aware of. And even if there is change, you won’t be able to articulate it. And if you can’t articulate it, you can’t teach it if you can’t teach it, that you don’t experience exponential growth. And so you can’t one you can’t change what you’re not aware of. And then two, you can’t see the picture while you’re in the frame. So having people in your life that don’t just say yes, oh my god, you’re so amazing, even when it’s not amazing. Having actual people in your life that will stand for your higher self and hold you accountable and hold the light. But also tell you when you’re when you’re off course, given your permission, of course. But I asked for it. I asked. I asked for I don’t call it feedback, but for feedforward, because a lot of times you can’t see what other people see. That was something that early on. I got I leaned in, and most people, they’re afraid of feedback. They’re like, Oh, and he said this, and he said that. Here’s one thing, I want to invite each and everybody out there. Every time you do a talk, every time you do a project, every time you do something where you’re expressing yourself or you’re showing yourself ask for feedback. Ask for feedforward, because there will be some nuggets inside, and ask somebody who won’t just like just tickle your feathers, like somebody who’s like a straight-up person. And don’t be afraid of what they share. Because all it is is information that you can either do something with or not. I learned early on in my transformation. There were people that just stood for me and they stood for my higher self and was there they held me into that they were like it didn’t land for me. Okay, why didn’t Atlassian for you and be really curious about your journey like okay, why? Why didn’t this work? Why didn’t this work for you? Most people don’t want to hear that. So I just want to give people this is one of my secret sauces. I will always ask, ask for feedback. I will always ask the questions inside of the questions. And when somebody says, Oh my God, that that that inspired me so much, anybody who knows me always says what exactly inspired you. And then when they share it, that’s when you make a mental note because they’re giving you a verbal reflection of what’s inside of your picture that you may or may not be able to see. And the more and more of that you can get, the more and more you can see of yourself through other people’s eyes that you trust.”
“There was a moment where at the time my spiritual adviser Monica Czanne’s had, she said, I want you to write a letter from your big self to your little self and I didn’t know where she was going with this. Just apologizing to him for abandoning little Garen, and there were parts where I told her I said, you know, I was ashamed of my past and so I moved to LA so that I could run away and make a fresh new start. I even changed my name I went from Garin to my middle name Stefan, Steph Jones. And all of that was, was out of shame, guilt, and escaping. And she said, Write a letter from your big self, big Steph to little Garen and apologize to him for abandoning him. And when you’re done with that letter, switch to your non-dominant hand, which I already knew what the nondominant hand thing did, because I did it in, in prison or every time I worked, wrote with my non-dominant hand and operate a different part of my brain. So she said, switch to your non-dominant hand, and then write a letter from little Garen to big Steph. And whatever emotions want to come out. Just allow it. I wasn’t prepared for how many emotions I stuffed down from childhood, stuffed down being molested when I was 13 stuffed down having to decide where my mom forced me to decide which parent I want to go with. Whereas my parents were separating choose, we have 30 minutes to pack our bags at four have to decide to be you know, being bullied all of these things. I stuffed down these emotions. So when I wrote the letter from little Garen to the big stuff, my nervous system unlocked years and years of guilt, shame, abandonment, and I was cursing and I was crying and screaming at my big self for leaving me, you effing left me. You Left Me by myself and I didn’t know this was so I didn’t know what to do. My body was shaking. And then when I was done with that letter, and I was like, oh my god, I abandoned the real me. The real I was born Garin, Stephon Jones, why would I even abandon that name? Because nobody else has that name. So I went on social media when the world knew me as Stefan and Steph. And I wrote a wrote on social media before I had all these followers or anything, you think you know me, but you have no idea. You know, this, this, and this. And this. And this is because I told you, but what you don’t know is I’ve cheated on every girlfriend I ever had. Right now I’m living in my car sleeping in an abandoned building, sleeping on bubble wrap. Sleeping in my storage unit. I’ve been I’ve been homeless. I always try to cut corners and things like that. And this is not where I’m going to stay. Within five years. I’m going to retire my mom within five years. I’m going to I wouldn’t be a seven-figure earner. And then the post, I wrote this on Facebook. On the post in the comment section. People are laughing. They’re like talking about me. They’re saying all these negative things. But the emails I got the very first email I got was from a celebrity that I don’t even know I didn’t even know they knew who I was, but somebody must have shared the message. And I wasn’t getting lots of likes and comments at that time. There were seven pages of emails within one hour. And the first message I got and this is to answer your question was from a celebrity who I thought made it big. said how did you have the strength to share your story? I read Do your testimony. And I put the gun down. And I was like, whoa, what just happened? And I felt something grow inside of me. Five messages later, somebody shared your story. And I was on my way to drive my car off a bridge. I didn’t drive my car off a bridge. Thank you for your courage. At that moment, I knew that I was representing the voiceless, I became the voice of the voiceless. And I said I know exactly why I’m here. Now I know exactly why I went through all of those things. Because every single person that represents different aspects of my life, that are going through something deep, and they’ve never shared it with anybody. I became a light in the world of their darkness.”
“I just always take it back to the little kid. You know, it’s, I remember when I was a little kid, I love to sing, I love to dance. Time wasn’t of the essence. And I had unlimited resources of energy. And I feel that as we get older, as a people, more and more adults start separating from that little kid not realizing that adults are deteriorated children who have forgotten their way inside of their own bodies. I, part of my, the biggest part of my transformation was reconnecting with little Garin and honoring what he always wanted, what made him happy. And I call that artist, I call that the little kid with unlimited passion and power and energy and excitement and joy, and just wants to play and is so curious and discovers life. That is like a seed that most people are missing, you know, you come around so many people, they have all the cars and the girls and the guys and the money they like, but I feel like something is missing. In my opinion, I think it’s that aspect of that little kid that’s inside of them, which I call kid equals artist. So I coined this phrase called artists power. And that’s using the power of the little kid inside of you. So I teach people how to awaken the artists within who have so much to share and give to the world. But we stuffed it down, I think I should do this to fit inside of this peer group. And this person sees me this way. So I’m going to make a shell of myself. And if the shell of myself looks like who you want me to look like, then I’m further separating myself from the real me. It’s like a jail cell inside of a jail cell. It starts with Mom and Dad, you shouldn’t do this, you should do that. You shouldn’t do that. We don’t do things like that. Well, this runs in the family, this runs in the family, this runs in the family. I’m like, Well, I do have my own heart. I have I have these thoughts, me and my ancestors. But like, really, when you really think about it? Would you want to live in a world where you are exactly like everybody? No, there would be no room for uniqueness. No artistry and artistry doesn’t necessarily mean painting and singing and dancing. You have, when you’re born, you’re given a blank canvas for your life. And you can paint it any way you want. The way I see it, your gifts are the paint. But then what happens is, other people come into your life, and then they steal that part of you. And then you give your power away. And you use other people’s paint on your canvas, not even realizing that that’s pastel base, and you are meant for oil base paint. And if you don’t know anything about painting, you don’t put pastels on oil-based paint and you put oil-based paint on oils on oil on an oil palette. He put a pastel palette for pastels. So it’s like living outside of a box that was never yours, to begin with. And this is what I come up against. Or that the challenge that I face every day. I can speak to somebody within two minutes and know if they’re living truly from their authentic expression or someone else’s.”
“Honestly the ability to love no matter what. The ability to love no matter what because I came from such a hateful environment. And I didn’t know If I didn’t know what was going on while I was in insecurity, I don’t love myself, I have a high hairline, I’m gonna be bald by the time I’m 20. And that’s all I’m hearing my slightly crooked nose, I don’t love myself, I don’t love my body. So I’m going to eat all this food, like coming from that environment. And then learning to love every aspect of myself, whether I like it or not, and just truly learning to love myself. And then in a situation where I was in business with someone that had a very similar, very similar path and very similar growth of success. But it seemed like something was holding us both down. And I remember one day, we were going on a retreat, and I looked in the mirror, and I say, You know what, him being a friend of mine has nothing to do with me being a friend to him. So I’m just gonna love no matter what. And I remember saying that and something leaped out of my chest. It was like this weird, thick. And I felt light, I felt very different. Now, that day, I posted and this is before I was getting 1000s of likes and 1000s of shares. That day, I posted something on Facebook, I tagged maybe 48 people, and I got maybe 30-something likes, that’s when nobody’s messing with you, boy. And that weekend, we went on that trip, I was like, you know, him being a friend of mine has nothing to do with me being a friend to him. So I’m just gonna love no matter what. And I’m just going no one state no one, I will never give anyone else permission to change who I am. And when I just made that decision to love no matter what, even if you hurt me. I know deep down inside that’s not really you. And just to come from, from the place of loving no matter what and really being able to accept people for who they are, how they are, and how they are not without any expectation whatsoever. Three days later, I went on Facebook, and I posted the exact same message but I didn’t tag anybody. But I felt a different feeling is the secret. I felt different where I was coming from saying the exact same thing. I posted it was like 475 likes, like within like an hour. I’m like, What the hell happened? I was speaking to my life coach at the time, Monica Czanne. And she was like, Well, what did you do differently I was like, Well, I had this conversation she was like she was like You released hate from your heart. And that was the grip hold that you had resentment like what it takes to hold on. Remember I told you we’re not created to be keepers we’re created to be givers. You and I can’t hold that water it’s got to come out can hold like all that stuff that you hold on to and I was holding on to resentment but the power that it takes to hold on to resentment is the same power that’s needed to sustain at the next level and I didn’t even know that I was holding on to the universe of the next level inside of that resentment when I let that go anything that I was a part of tripled it within three months, if you will, what are you doing? What do you know I was the only thing I did was just like release the resentment that was inside.”
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